succumblr.

“I wrestled in high school.” -...

Thu, 11 Mar 2010 08:48:39 -0600

“I wrestled in high school.” - LOL

LOST Slapdown, Part 6

Nestor and Michael try to get some answers out of Damon and Carlton.

Him: Are you going to the REWORK book signing at SXSW?

Wed, 10 Mar 2010 16:19:41 -0600

Him: Are you going to the REWORK book signing at SXSW?
Me: Probably not. I've already get enough signed by Jason.
Him: ...
Me: I get something signed by him every other week!
Him: ...
Me: It's a piece of paper I get signed by him. With his signature.
Him: ???
Me: IT'S MY PAYCHECK, OK!? I GET HIS SIGNATURE ON MY CHECKS, GET IT!? I WORK THERE???? I am his employee so he signs things then I keep the proof of that!

News flash

Mon, 08 Mar 2010 08:10:57 -0600

James Cameron is so pissed. Carry on.

I love the look on the kitty’s face. I get this from...

Thu, 04 Mar 2010 12:24:15 -0600

I love the look on the kitty’s face. I get this from Cooper daily.

"sh: Unsure of what my hair is wanting to do. Please advise.” miss hatter, i think your hair..."

Thu, 04 Mar 2010 09:34:00 -0600

“

sh: Unsure of what my hair is wanting to do. Please advise.”

miss hatter, i think your hair looks loverly like this!

”

- Well thank you, considering I did have to ask your approval re: middle part waviness before going public with it. However I’m in need of some highlights and product and lessons on not making myself look like the girl from The Ring.

parka! parka! parka!

Kelly Osbourne dyes her hair lavendar

Thu, 04 Mar 2010 09:33:21 -0600

Kelly Osbourne dyes her hair lavendar:

“This isn’t her first dye job this month. In early February, she touched up her platinum blonde roots and then showed off a longer, wavy bob.”

UHM UH HUH. I can’t wait until next month when she tries to add red and it turns green.

bluetallulah:

She can act like she did this on purpose if she wants (which apparently she does) but this is a coloring mistake. I have done this. It is when you try to either add color to bleached hair (which is probably what she did) or try to change the blond color on hair which is totally over bleached.

So this is very unimportant but you are not fooling me, Kelly!

Unsure of what my hair is wanting to do. Please advise.

Wed, 03 Mar 2010 11:39:34 -0600

Unsure of what my hair is wanting to do. Please advise.

"While things often are exactly as bad as you feared they would be, they’re usually only that bad for..."

Wed, 03 Mar 2010 08:45:31 -0600

“While things often are exactly as bad as you feared they would be, they’re usually only that bad for a really short amount of time. Then, you figure it out, resolve it, and move on.”

- http://the.weisz.es/744/late-night-puerto-rican-car-rental-drama

Dear Jenny's Bake Shop on Etsy,

Wed, 03 Mar 2010 08:21:53 -0600

Hello? Hey, anyone home? I’m guessing you’re used to this by now, a customer emailing you asking why you haven’t shipped the item they bought you months ago. I mean, how annoying is that? People asking you to ship the item they paid for? I know, I know.

I mean, let’s look at the facts here: You sell posters. POSTERS! Everyone knows that posters are a nightmare to deal with. First, you have to go print a bunch at a time, then lug them home, and if they are like 8”x10” that takes up like a whole half a seat in your car! Then you have to sell the posters, and tell people you have enough to sell before you sell them! And then, if that wasn’t enough, then you have to stuff a bunch of tubes with those posters! Egads!

After you’ve actually put the poster in a tube, then the real work begins, huh? You’ve got to figure out who you sold that poster to and put their name on a sticker! I can totally see how this would take a really, really long time, especially if you don’t have any fingers. You’d have to get one of those fancy computers that translates the words you say out loud to letters on the screen, then somehow figure out a way to get all those letters lined up right so you can print an address label.

And if you don’t have fingers, how are you going to affix the label to the tube!? My god, people! You are doing some very, very hard work over there.

Because you’re doing all this hard work, it makes complete sense to me that you have taken almost 2 months to send me a poster. But I also understand how you marked the item as “shipped” the day I bought it to throw me off. I mean, who wants to actually get the item they bought on Etsy just a few days later? It boggles the mind, that kind of talk.

But it’s ok, I mean, you state on your shop profile that, “We will ship out no longer than fourteen days after date of purchase and sometimes we may ship a lot quicker depending on our workload at the time.” Which means, “Sometimes we ship things to you, and sometimes we don’t.” And after all, isn’t that what Etsy is all about? Just sort of flying by the seat of your pants kind of shopping, not even knowing if you’ll ever get what you just paid for?

So, Jenny’s Bake Shop, I salute your tired, trembling hands as you struggle to perform the most basic function of ignoring emails from customers and never shipping their items out. My only hope is that one day, one day soon, you’ll be able to stop all this nonsense and just close up shop. It would mean so much to all of us.

Tuesday haiku

Tue, 02 Mar 2010 22:33:00 -0600

It is ten o’clock

I am bored but not sleepy

Hello, benadryl.

I can’t tell you how much I want this.

Thu, 18 Feb 2010 10:18:24 -0600

I can’t tell you how much I want this.

Favorite song in 7th grade, yes I’m a dork.

Wed, 17 Feb 2010 10:19:21 -0600

Favorite song in 7th grade, yes I’m a dork.

Squeeee

Mon, 15 Feb 2010 15:00:29 -0600

Squeeee

Valentines Day 10 Step

Sun, 14 Feb 2010 20:21:38 -0600

Step 1: Buy red paint. Step 2: Try red paint on wall. Step 3: Watch red paint dry and realize it’s not red. It’s… Coral. It’s strawberry? It’s pale. Step 4: Take red paint back, declare it’s not red painty enough! Step 5: Watch paint man shake his head, add more red, tell you red paint is very hard. Step 6: Ask paint man how long it’s going to take to look RED. Step 7: Listen as paint man explains A LOT OF COATS. Paint let it dry paint repeat repeat. Step 8: Ask how many coats? How long between them? Step 9: Listen dumbfounded as he says 4 coats, let it dry a day in between. Step 10: Stand there. Blink.

Baby elephants are the most adorable thing on this planet.

Fri, 12 Feb 2010 16:48:21 -0600

Baby elephants are the most adorable thing on this planet.

Ah, me too. Favorite ever. bluetallulah: luvbi: Peonies are my...

Fri, 12 Feb 2010 15:29:10 -0600

Ah, me too. Favorite ever.

bluetallulah:

luvbi:

Peonies are my favorite.

Just wanted to go ahead and get this stuck in your head there.

Fri, 12 Feb 2010 12:31:28 -0600

Just wanted to go ahead and get this stuck in your head there.

Photo

Thu, 11 Feb 2010 13:33:53 -0600

RIP McQueen

Thu, 11 Feb 2010 10:29:27 -0600

RIP McQueen

The trouble with online shopping.

Wed, 10 Feb 2010 16:12:42 -0600

Two weeks ago I spent an afternoon shopping online for a new shower curtain. Most people won’t spend an entire afternoon shopping for a shower curtain, but I absolutely hate shower curtains, and I am particular about the ones I buy. The last shower curtain I bought cost me $80 at, let’s call it the Barn of Pots, and I entirely justify spending that amount on fabric that hangs from my shower. Really, I do.

Which is why when I found a shower curtain I just loved that was priced at $112 plus shipping, I didn’t think it was too outrageous. I mean, it’s a beautiful ruffled shower curtain, 72” square, with reinforced holes for the hooks and an additional backing. It’s even made of better fabric than the other popular ruffled shower curtain you’ve seen at a store that is a word spelled wrong, which is why I did not buy this shower curtain from the store that is a word spelled wrong.

The shower curtain arrived today in this box:

Please note this box is only twice the size of this Pillsbury Holiday Funfetti Frosting (that I used to frost my island-themed cupcakes for my LOST party.) Go into your fridge and pull out your can of frosting and tell me how big it is.

NOW TELL ME HOW YOU CRAM 72” OF RUFFLED FABRIC IN YOUR FROSTING CAN.

Oh you do it so well that when it comes out of the frosting can sized box, it looks like this:

You wad it up, cram it into a frosting can sized box, and you send it to me slip-shod, and you take my $112 plus shipping and roll around on it on your bed, probably finishing off another can of frosting to use as packaging.